Tiny little moments you'll recall exactly.
The taste of cinnamin on my lips on a Tuesday night.
The blurry cab ride home.
Jazz streaming from my laptop 24/7.
Tea and reheated tea and cookies.
The soft light through my pink curtains.
The feeling of my stuffed toy under my chin.
Watching the Hills with Megan.
Facebook conversations with Mississippi.
Sticky tack all over my wall.
Riding the Daquiri Train.
Hall bowling with empty bottles.
Leftover pizza in the fridge.
Many extension cords.
The freshest air freshener ever.
Episodes of tv online streaming.
The fall leaves hitting my front window.
Intellectual talks.
Shit talks.
Arse logic.
Seven drinks.
Relevations.
Goodness.
Happiness?
I think so!
 

First Posted Here

The eight flies flew dizzy circles in the dull white light of the office foyer. I'd watch them, my head on a slight tilt, a pen drawing lazy doodles on the office paper, the edges of the college ruled pad folding up, curling towards me, catching on my sleeves. The day was long and grueling and looking back now, merely hours afterwards, and I can't remember much of it. My day was dedicated to counting down to visiting camp, seeing Sean for the first time in a year.

Camp was the same yet different. Calm yet hectic. Nostalgic yet stifling. We couldn't figure out what to think as we sat alone at the beach, then munched onion rings and joked with 15 year old boys. We drove home and blasted Leeland and sang til we were hoarse, til a tiny bit of nomalcy filled the car. Now I'm sitting here with a towel on my head, with one earbud, some random music, a slightly deflated feeling. But it doesn't matter. Because aside from the bizarre feelings of being on another planet... I enjoyed sitting there fighting giggles in the second pew from last. I enjoyed having Sean squeezehug me til I couldn't breath. I enjoyed eating onion rings, remembering years past.

His hair cut is bad and I laughed. He wore a Missouri State sweater. I laughed as I realized it probably cost sixty dollars and it's maroon. Yes. Maroon. I stifled a laugh. Sam ran around and picked fights, punching him, teasing him. It's funny that she's the one doing that to him. I just laughed and sided with her. Sean said "what are you doing? You know she fights dirty!" I laughed and hugged her. I saw the kids with their nickel candies and mussed hair, dirty feet and bikes strewn on the scorched field. It felt funny not to be there to hang with them all week.

But as I stood on the pick-up-chicks swing with assorted youths, a Moody kid trying to guess our names, I laughed. Jonathan stood smack dab in the middle of the swing, a juice stain around his lips thus looking remarkably like the Joker, yelling loudly, "anybody wanna hear about my scaaaaariest nightmare??" "No," we said blandly and he told us to be quiet but we ran him over and tried to convince Moody that Sam's name was actually Agnes. As I saw him and his seven year old hyperness, now also chubbiness, just annoying the hell out of everyone, I was glad I had a bed in my house to sleep in. I was glad I wouldn't be eating old watermelon slices for breakfast whilst getting remarks for wearing my pyjamas to the dining hall.

The reading helps. The happy stories of a vet in the English countryside warms my heart and keeps my brain on the back burner. Reading my bible makes a difference in the way my brain works. Keeps the things I want to keep out, out. Keeps good things in. Locks them in. And that, in combination with all the other subtle changes, makes for this feeling of...wholeness. Of, maybe not quite there yet, but well on my way. And it's as if...as if... I'm not sure. But there are far more moments where I laugh til I have to pee, where I spend only a few hours at home, where I remember the feeling of the sun on my cheeks, where I accomplish what I want to. Those moments are now greatly outnumbering the moments where I feel the weakest, where I write the most blogs. And for that I am truly humbled and grateful. And joyful. Most of all joyful.

1. Grab your phone.

2. What kind is your phone?
Motorola

3. Who's the first person who comes up under the letter M?
Megan

4. Who's the last person you called?
Sam

6. Who was your last missed call from?
Megan

7. Who's the 2nd person who comes up under D?
Myself

8. Who's speed dial 2?
Megan

9. Who's the 3rd person who comes up under J?
Lea

10. Who was your last received call from?
Katrina

11. Who is speed dial 4?
Dan

12. What does your banner say?
gepie<3

13. How many text messages are currently in your inbox?
52

14. What do you have as your background?
Graffiti

15. Who's speed dial #1?
Voice Mail

16. What's the 5th message say in your inbox?
"O georgie, did u have your clothes on ?"

17. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Becky

18. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
3

19. Who was your last text message from?
Megan

20. Name every person you have text messages from.
Megan, Shimmy, Beck, unknown random person, Dan

22. Who's the 9th person on your recent calls?
Dan

23. What does the 6th message in your in box say?
"What did u do? ;-) lol"

24. Who is the first name in your Phonebook?
Becky

25. Who is the last name in your phone book?
Spencer

26. Do you have a camera phone?
Yes

27. Who is the last person under G ?
Hammy

28. What does the last text message say in your in box?
"Too hot out"

29.Who did you send the most text messages to in your out box?
Megan

30. What is your ring tone?
The RAZR standard one